Monday, January 30, 2006

Breakout

I decided it's time to break-out of my lawyer routine. He's good. He's hot. He's downright rude. I can't get too tied up in him. It's going nowhere and I don't want it to anyway. He's good (or is it me?) for a fuck. But no use pining away waiting for his time.

...mind you, I did something stupid like have him talk me into buying him cowboy boots so he could wear them while he fucked me. Alas, I'm not going down that road!

So I put feelers out there from guys I've known in the past - and will always work the new crowd too. What I need - is to get out of town!!! I need dick I'll never see again. Guys who'll never contact me again.

Remember those days? What was true anonymous sex? Even the internet doesn't allow that. Everything is traceable to email addresses and websites. They might not know your name - but they'll know how to get ahold of you. Who the fuck wants that?

That's why parks, gloryholes, dark backrooms, baths are so important. It can be preferrable not to even see the guy ever. I'm not looking for a relationship. I don't even think I'm looking for a steady fuck-buddy. Those end up being like pseudo-boyfriends. Who needs the pressure or expectations?

Don't get me wrong - I think there is someone out there to break me. Make me theirs. Not a slave. I don't do slave. Sub yes. Slave no. But I missed my opportunity w/the guy from the 'Bad Attitude' series. Not that he'd necessarily have me - but I should made a play for that. I was younger. Unwiser.

Rallycub mocked me saying - why did I think I'd know it IF it came along again? He has a point. Who can break this little slut??

Friday, January 27, 2006

Regular Thing??

So it was another lawyer fuck this evening.

I have to figure this will burn itself out - but until then, I'll keep hooking up w/him and getting what we both need. There are no strings.

Today we got together just a little earlier than usual. Natural light was coming through the window so I definately got a better look at him. Didn't seem too bad - has a little maturing to do, body/looks-wise. It was the first time we didn't fuck in the hallway. He was standing in the living area - cock out....cock hard.

He motioned me to the kitchen counter. I turned towards it and he came up behind me. Reaching around he undid my belt and lowered my suit pants right past my ass. Per his request - I had on a jockstrap. Gave him access and didn't allow me to play w/myself. Once again, no foreplay.

Initially he couldn't penetrate. He seems to think the entrance is an inch or two higher than it is...and wouldn't listen to me. He had to re-harden himself. I turned to see if he'd make out - but he said in no uncertain terms - "don't look at me!!". I turned around back to the counter.

This time he hit the mark - w/a little help from me - and he was off and running. Or should i say 'slamming'. I don't know what experience he has - but he is a goooooood fucker. He knows what he's doing, but it might be luck. He's doing it for him - not his partner. This isn't love - it's sex. I'm not looking to be pleasured. I'm looking to make a man moan and shoot.

I was told not to talk. I didn't. I couldn't help but grunt as he really slammed me. Once again, the pulsating as he shot out his load. I'm glad he did too. Another minute of that pounding and he could have had me shooting into my strap pouch w/out ever touching myself. He has no idea how close he got me.

After letting it slide out - he just said "you know the drill". I buckled up and he was gone to clean up (I guess). I let myself out. Not five feet down the hall, I heard the deadbolt snap closed.

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Throb

This was the email that the lawyer who's been fucking me left yesterday:

I'm helping a friend with an errand at 5:30; I should be done by 6. If not, and you get to my building, buzz me. If I don't answer, it means I'm not home yet. Before you come over, either take off your underwear or rip a hole in the back. I'll likely be waiting in my apartment with my cock hanging out of my pants. I don't want you to kiss me or suck me today, unless you suck on my neck while I fuck you. I will likely just use spit to lube up my cock. When you walk in, come over to me, undo your slacks, pull them down just past your ass, and let me in.

The only thing that didn't happen was the spit. He had lube. And he was late. 6:40p is when he showed. He has a neighbor though who must have passed me 4-5 times. Early 20s I'm guessing. Never been into that - but man, I would have. H-O-T-T. Finally lawyer-guy buzzed me in. Loft was dark (again). He was waiting, dick out (again). We never left the hallway (again).

But he throws a good fuck. For whatever reason my hands pressed against the walls wasn't working this time. Me bent over - hands on my knees, my head close down there too - allowed him for some serious pumping.

I tried egging him on to do it harder. He told me to shut the fuck up. He didn't want to hear me - I was just there for him to use my hole. Sorry, but for 27-28, he was confident as hell. I knew he was getting close by his breathing. Of course, I knew he was there by his throbbing.

Maybe it's the angle of his dick. Maybe it's the position we do it in. I can feel every pulse and throb as he pumps off his nut.

He let it slide out w/a flop - and just says 'get out'. I pull up my pants and turn around, but he's gone. Walked out of the hallway to g-d knows where. I opened the door - and headed home.

Friday, January 20, 2006

FINALLY !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

32 days.

That's how long it took me to lose my load.

It would seem that the work guy might be a semi-regular Friday thing. I mean - it's only been 3 weeks in a row, so we'll see. But to be honest, I was hoping to get him to bone me in my office...and he did for awhile. It's not how he wanted to get off.

He did however go down on me. It felt great. I had to pull him off me - being too sensitive after have going so long w/out ejaculation. So I got on my knees, in my office, wearing my suit and finished him off.

I was surprised when afterward he went back down on me. I told him not to tease me if he wasn't going to take it. He said he wanted to see me shoot. That was a no-go. Releasing a month (plus) load all over my office was a deal breaker. It had to be swallowed. Without a word he went back down on it.

The guy is an experienced cocksucker - no doubt about it. I said to him that I was taking his silence for approval to cum in his mouth. He kept going. It didn't take me long. I pulled back so not to choke him on what I knew was coming. The best laid plans didn't help him much. Experienced or not - that load would have choked anyone. And it did. Maybe some guys get turned on by an eater gagging/coughing on it. Not me. This guy did gag/cough though. It didn't end up on my suit pants, so I was cool w/it - but his work shirt........well.........not so lucky. I will say he was impressed by the load. Who wouldn't be?

My friend Pat thought I was nuts for holding a load that long. He said it needed to be a fresh load - should always be overturned. Maybe he's right. But I'm sure I could have gone longer. It was just time to give it up.

Thursday, January 19, 2006

Colin Farrell



No I didn't have sex w/him..................YET! But from my mouth to g-d's ears!

Actually, his Daredevil look doesn't do a lot for me (not that I'd turn him down) - and I love bald/shaved headed men! Honestly, I swear the hottest he's ever looked when he guest-starred on Scrubs.

But the free download of the video isn't bad - even the scrod chomping. And he's got a decent piece of meat. He truly missed his calling. Adult movies could really be his forte. He knows the moves the camera wants to see - and plays it well.

(thanks to PornBuff for giving me the pic and the sites to download the movie)

Saturday, January 14, 2006

Brokeback II

Nothing to do w/my sex life (you should all be allowed to take a break from that - huh?). There are a number of Brokeback posters photoshopped out there on the net. Here is the one that is my favourite. Actually - two....but one isn't really the poster.



Friday, January 13, 2006

24

Yeah - 24 days since I last got off a load. It's not my longest time between pumping off, but it's up there. I mean - how many guys reading this can say they go that long? Or even a fraction of it??

They say in prison your sexdrive diminishes (unlike in 'Oz' which leads us to believe that is untrue - but then we wouldn't all have cellmates like Chris Keller) . Clearly I'm not in prison - except of my own making. I could jack off anytime - shower, bed, office, public resttoom. But at this point - it's more the principle of the thing. I need to do it while getting someone else off.

...and not that I haven't been getting guys off lately. Obviously if you've been reading it's been a banner week. But even I - the keeper of the cum - would hate to see my own load go to waste in a trashcan, or the floor, or a rubber. This big of a load deserves a home.

Take this morning for instance. The guy I blew in an office bathroom last Friday, well...I took care of again this a.m. in my office. Same attire for him as last week. Nice solid dick sticking out of his pants. He is a lousy kisser - you'd think he's uncomfortable w/guys, but he swallows dick pretty well. But first I was on him. More low key 'gooooood boy' comments and things to that nature. He shot a nice big big big load. Maybe he'd been saving it since last Friday. One can hope. It was a little bitter - but I'd never tell a guy that. What if he cut me off from future engagements.

He wanted to see me stroke off. But that's not how I'm gonna really lose this load unless I truly truly have to. Or end up w/a fuckin wet dream (oh...Transporter....where are you????). I did get him to go down on me and he did it beautifully. He was really working it and if I concentrated enough I could have fed him. Tallmaster and I agree the best thing would have been to hold him down on it and make him take it - like a 1000 guys (yes, that slutty number again) have made me do (HA!) in the past. I made the mistake of asking him if he 'wanted it'. He pulled off and said no....he doesn't take loads. Oy! I bet he would have. It was an amateur mistake on my part.

So.....I guess I'm on to day 25. Anyone have thoughts to what I should do w/this??

[PHOTO REMOVED DUE TO BLOGGER / GOOGLE NAZI TACTICS)

Thursday, January 12, 2006

Fucking Lawyer

Last night was time #2 w/the attorney from last Friday. For someone who in person tries to pull off 'uncaring' - the 30 emails per day to taunt me don't seem like a person that removed.

The intitial plan for a quick blowjob in a parked car somewhere was scrappedfor another meeting at his place. Though he wanted to fuck - he said he wanted me to jack off in his mouth. Not him suck me - but for me just to deposit my 22 day load (yes - it's been 22 days since I ejaculated!). No suit for me this time. 501s and buttondown shirt. Per his request I removed anything underneath the 501s before leaving my office. He was ready too. Shirt and blazer, boots of some kind and 501s. His were unbuttoned. His cock was out and erect! Naturally, I went right down on it.

Like last time, I stood up and made out w/him. I find his attitude that hot! But he wanted his ass eaten. I unbuttoned the rest of his jeans and slid them down. On the way down, I lapped at his cock again. He liked looking down at me. For good measure, I took my tongue and went to his shoes. His big wide, size 12 shoes. He REALLY liked that. ..and so did I.

I spun him around and dove in. He wanted to munch on my butt - so I made sure to be extra clean for him. He didn't subscribe to my thinking....which was fine. I like to taste a man....not Proctor & Gamble. He was clean by the time I was done. I rose from behind him...licking and kissing the back of his neck. Low enough, I applied suction. I'm guessing he might have hickey (!!) today. Cost of doing business, I suppose.

Next occurance surprised even me. As I kissed him from behind, I kept rubbing my 8" against his ass. And I was hard! He oh-so-subtley pushed back. Trust me. He wasn't asking for - but he was asking for it. I've done it 1000 times (man - does that make me sound like a slut!). Without a word, I pushed in...just the head at first.....but no protest, so I kept going. I met little resistance. As I was almost full-deep, he said, that was all. I said not yet. I sank the rest of the way in. But that was it. He pushed me out. But I realized that he might be someone I could fuck.

At that point, he was a little more abrupt. "Drop your pants - I'm gonna fuck you NOW". I turned toward the wall, and placed my hands on it - pushe my ass back to him, presenting my hole. Just as he was lining up - I got a text message on my phone. A Chicago Sir that I on-line know, Tallmaster, knew I was supposed to be getting a load (though he thought it was orally). His message was: Did you get that load?? I was soooo tempted to IM him back as I got penetrated. But I do have manners! And couldn't figure how many typos I'd make while texting while having inward thrusts. So I held off.

Lawyerboy had tons of precum and used it as lube. Fine w/me. It felt better than last time. He fucked me good...and hard too. It was way too soon - he pulled me back to him, covered my mouth w/his hand and growled in my ear - "take my cum!". I love the way I can feel each throb as he shoots. He slipped out of me and leaned back against the far wall.

Once again, he said, "I'm done w/you. Get the hell out of here." I thought I'd play w/him a bit. "What about my 22 day load - I thought you wanted it." (I never really thought he'd take it.) His reply could have made me shoot all over the front of his clothes. "NEVER believe a word I say! Now get out."

The door quickly closed behind me - as I stood in the hall texting Tallmaster telling him I just took the load!

Now on day 23 of my load. And still have his up me. Don't think it's ever coming out at this point.

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

Attorney Sex (or Lucky Friday - pt 3)

So you'd think that after my 'interview' and restroom encounter - I'd be sated and happy to go home. .....well you'd be soooooooooooooooooooo wrong.

Through some on-line pimping, my buddy (Patrick) in NC hooked me up w/a local attorney who was looking to get off. We'd been trying to make arrangements for a week or so - and finally Friday was THE day.

He is all of 28 (oy!). Very aggressive. Knew what he wanted. And you can't argue w/that.
What he wanted was some cocksucking, some ass eating and finish off fucking my ass. Our emails were hot - and I found myself really wanting for another one to pop up. He was demanding and almost downright abrasive even in email form. Ok - not for everyone, but really - how hot was that???

I got buzzed into his loft at the appointed time. Both of us coming from work - both of us w/suits on. This was a big thing for both of us actually. I love being naked - but sex w/some form of clothing is so incredibly hot to me. I wanderd the maze of his floor before finding the unlocked door. He was right inside as he said he would. I dropped to my knees unzipping his suit pants. He (we never have exchanged names) already had his underwear off and his 7" upwardly curved dick popped out. Two-thirds hard. As instructed via phone - I put it right in my mouth - and took it right to his zipper. Both his hands grabbed my head and made sure I stayed buried. ...like I was gonna go anywhere! : )

He pulled me up and we fuckin made out. Hands all over each other. Me pressing him against the wall...his head in my hands holding him to really go at it. As hot as fucking can be - a good make out session is just as hot. Of course, there was also tugging on each other's dicks.

Eventually I went back down and got his pants down far enough so I could eat his ass. His hands pressed up against the wall - I lapped at the crack......the across the hole.....before running my tongue around the ring. Of course that all before sliding deep up there. He loved it. He wasn't the only one.

We moved into his living room - lights still off. Only illumination was from the streetlights outside his loft. He got his knees on his sofa - presenting his ass to me again. I had the opportunity to keep going. He really liked it. After a bit he got up and we made out some more before him pushing me over and taking a turn at eating my hole. It felt so nice - and it really does get me in the mood for what is usually the inevitable. After that little butt-eating session we stayed on the couch - him talking dirty in between making out. Something about his voice conveyed such filth - and no acting. Maybe some. It's all a fucking game on some level - isn't it?

I teased him that he was gonna go out w/his friends to dinner w/a smile and that he couldn't say why he had that fuckin grin on his face - b/c he was too respectable. His response was "I don't have a respectable bone in my body". I shuddered internally w/lust at that moment. "I'm gonna tell em exactly what I did to you - now get up and back into the hallway".

He was afraid that he wouldn't get the chance to fuck me when I told him that as hot as it all was - that I could get off just by making-out w/him. It's not exactly what he signed on for. I assured him I'd follow thru on our deal. So back to the hallway it was.

The hall was maybe 18-20" wide. With my hands against the all, he had enough leverage room for what he wanted to do. He wanted my suit pants just below my ass and his dick just out of his fly. Everything else stayed on. He squirted lube from somewhere covering his shaft. Initial placement was a bit too high - but he found the target and pushed in. I could really feel the upward curve - and I'm guessing to a degree, he could too. He had good action and knew what he was doing. We were both so worked up I'm sure it didn't last longer than 10 minutes. But as he was ready - he pulled me back into him - put his ear right at my mouth and growled. More than that - I could feel him throb as he unleashed.

He only stayed in me for a minute afterward. After pulling out he leaned against the other wall. Looking so hot - I went to my knees and took him back in my mouth. I got not reaction. His head was back, eyes partially closed. After a few minutes - I got up. Looked right at him and he said, "I'm done w/you now. Make sure you have all your stuff."

All I had to do was pick up my glasses off his table. The door was shut and locked behind me before I got two steps out the door. PERFECT.

More perfect................there was an email the next day. Of course, he wants it again. He's not the only one.

Monday, January 09, 2006

Workplace Suck-Off (or Lucky Friday - pt 2)

Later that same Friday..........

I went downstairs to around lunchtime to grab something to eat at my desk. While waiting in line I saw a guy whom I used to see occasionally at the adult bookstores. But not having gone for the last few years (another story unto itself), I hadn't seen him. Even then, I'd never hooked up w/him. He always seemed to be a feeder and who needed the competition?

Anyhoo...he had a badge on, which let me know he was an employee. I loitered for a bit since he was in line to pay and I was essentially done. Slowly headed through the hallway back to my office where I knew at some point he'd have to catch up w/me.....and he did. He ended up going to a stairwell which would not be my route, but I went that way anyway.

There we exchanged pleasentries - he asking me how my new year's was. Me answering but purposefully staring at his crotch instead of his face. Being lunchtime, the stairwell was a flury of activity. We kept up small talk - my eyes rarely leaving his crotch. He got the idea. Soon enough he said almost under his breath - 'i wish we had someplace to go'.

Not being a fool I told him at some point we could use my private office. We looked at each other's badges and got names. A while later, I went to our intranet and got his alpha-pager and sent him a text msg saying I hope he builds a load for me...and left my extension.

I hadn't quite forgotten about it - but a few hours later my phone rang and it was him asking if I left the message. He carefully mentioned, being that he was in a public place, that he'd love to hook-up before he left, but the restroom where he was near was crowded (it's ALWAYS crowded). I suggested if he really wanted 'now', there was another way-out-of-the-way bathroom. He said he'd meet me there in 5 min.

The bathroom set-up is the outer-door. Right inside a sink. Then another pseudo-door that leads to two urinals. And past the last urinal, a stall. The door on the stall doesn't go to the floor, but the room really is so cramped you couldn't see two sets of feet there w/out knowing higher level yoga.

I'm there. He shows up. Though he says he's nervous about it his dick doesn't show it. I go into the stall and wait for him to enter. Kind of a tight squeeze but we manage. I get his cock out of his jeans - and it's a nice 6.5" - plump, fat w/a nice head on it. I immediately go down on him. Though we didn't have to be quiet-quiet - he just gives a low moan.

His hand instinctively went to my head as he said 'goooooood boy'. I kept on it for maybe 10 minutes....tops. Doing my job the way I should - it wasn't too long before high grip tightened on my scalp. 'That's it man.....you got me' and he squirted a decent sized load in my mouth. Tasted great too.

He thanked me. Said he had to take off. Told me he'd call me for an early morning suck off in my office next time.

...to make sure, I alpha paged him today to remind him to start building up a load. Risky to do in my office? Yeah.........but it's early. 6:30a early. We all win.

Friday, January 06, 2006

Porn Interview (or Lucky Friday - pt 1)

Yeah - I know the following will sound like a bad porn movie set-up. And even before I type it out - as I write it in my head - it sounds cheesey. But I will say that in actuality it was a very hot encounter.

I answered an ad in craigslist for a bi male who wanted to fulfill a fantasy by fucking a guy in their office. I've blown guys in my office before (and in theirs) but never taken it up the butt. It took quite a bit of arranging of our schedules to make it happens, but we never lost the hope.

I like my job and had every intention of keeping it - so the fantasy of middle of the day while everyone works in the vicinity was just that - a fantasy. There are very few dicks out there that I'm gonna lose my job over.

The meeting was for 6:15a. No one would be around. I told him to bring his CV w/him and we'd discuss a possible job. Whenever I contacted him I wanted to be as professional as possible. I thought that would be as far as the roleplay went. I was wrong. We never broke from the roles established.

He arrived on time and in full interview dress. Very handsome. Short greying hair. Strong jaw line. I brought him back to my office and we discussed basic interview questions w/a sexual edge. When I asked him what he thought he had that no other candidate had - his hand dropped to his lap and gave a firm grip as he answered. He asked what I was like as a boss - and I clearly told him I appreciated directness and never fucked over my employees. He in turn responded that he never fucked his boss. I said - 'you mean "fuck over" your boss'. With another grip, he reiterated that he meant what he originally said.

With that I told him to show me what he could offer the company. He unzipped and pulled out a nice 6.5" piece of meat. Though thick - it got thicker as you headed to the base. I showed him how I perform my oral presentations. After a few minutes he got the idea of what I was about. But to drive home his abilities - he pushed me over my desk. While he dug in his suit pocket for lube and a condom (well prepared...will note on his interview evaluation), I unbuckled my suit pants and let them drop to the floor.

[PHOTO REMOVED DUE TO BLOGGER / GOOGLE NAZI TACTICS)


In no time he was where he wanted to be - giving me his own style of work. I peppered the conversation in that these are the benefits that H.R. never mentions. He pumped harder at that. But he was convinced he could learn something more from my oral skills if I wouldn't mind covering that area again. After pulling out, I went to my knees and took off his rubber and layed it on my desk. Re-enveloping his manhood, I took him to the root where he showed me that he could take charge of a project - and finish on schedule.

Within a few minutes I was swallowing the load he'd deprived his girlfriend of for the last three days. We talked about how the job might mean early morning meetings or late conferences - all which he seemed fine with.

[PHOTO REMOVED DUE TO BLOGGER / GOOGLE NAZI TACTICS)

Sure it's tough filling an opening - but that's what they pay me for. I do think he'll have to come back for a 2nd or 3rd round. Maybe find out how much of a team player he really is.

Tuesday, January 03, 2006

Offer I Had to Refuse

....and it just about fuckin killed me.

A guy I do NOT know from Men4SexNow msg'd me w/this text:

Hey guy,
I know that I normally don't let anyone else man the gloryhole, but I've got a tooth that kept me awake all night. I don't want to disappoint anyone (I sent out mail letting guys know it would be open today), so I'm looking for someone to step in for me. Here's the criteria:

1) You must be willing to suck TODAY (Jan 2) for at least a 2-hour shift (5-7p, 7-9p, 9-11p)
2) You must be willing to be video'd and sign a model's release.
3) You should be willing to either swallow, take it on the face or get fucked at the gloryhole. In short, I need to find a pornstar.
4) You must be willing to suck all cocks that come to the hole: short, fat, thick, black, white, cut & uncut, muscleboys and bears alike.

Interested in the position? Send your face shot to
homegloryhole@xxxxxxx.com (not a real email address folks). I'll be monitoring the mail today. Right now I'm looking for someone to suck from 9pm to 11pm.
Hopefully this tooth is fixed by the weekend so I can reclaim my position! HGH


Well...I think I could have easily done the two hour shifts - if not the entire fuckin day! The problem was I still had a massive head cold and was indisposed where I could not find a way to get away for the hours needed.

The guy and I did email back and forth extensively. He is not into loaning his GH out to others and this was more or less a one-time offer. We did discuss me being there so he could take pics of me....which you know I'm ALL for.

But it's nice to be wanted - even in a complete piggish situation. Happiest in a sty, I am.

But that led me down the path of - do I start my OWN gloryhole. In theory it's great. In reality it's suspect at best. A public place to meet for cock - anonymous as it is, seems to be the perfect set-up. When it's at your home - there are too many variables. Weirdos showing up when the GH is not set-up - and most likey at even more inappropriate times. Addresses, being known. Most counties have websites that list WHO lives at the residence (I suppose if you own), and monetary value of said residence. Do I want that much info on me out there just go suck down a strange, anonymous cock?

........................hang on! I'm thinking!

Monday, January 02, 2006

Brokeback Mountain

Yeah - I went w/a friend to see it yesterday. I jokingly told him I was going for the cruising. Ok - there was probably a shred of truth to it. Isn't everyone kind of curious to see who attends?

As it turns out I was the best looking person there - and I think we all know my issues w/self-esteem and my looks. So me stating this is not a huge ego thing. But as cruising goes - I've never necessarily gravitate towards the 'pretty' ones anyway. Give me a man who gives off an attitude anyday. A swagger. Someone who carries himself w/confidence a gym body can't bring.

Anyhooo.....it was a 12n showing on New Year's Day and all of 40 seats were taken. I think anyone from this blog would surmise that I'm not shy - per se. So why did I feel like I was buying tickets to a fuckin' porn theatre when I purchased "two...for Brokeback Mountain, please" and the only person near me was a male friend? The same pang struck me getting popcorn when the clerk asked us what we were here to see. (Oddly - never ever ever ever has a popcorn attendant asked my movie choice!) None of this was helped that the movie is showing in 3 theatres only in NE Ohio. If you haven't been here - we are NOT L.A., DC, NYC or Chicago. We are more backwards that you can in-fucking-magine.

The good news is - the movie is great. No one laughed, snickered or 'ewwwwwwed' at the man-on-man action. Heath Ledger pulled off a great role. The story was done justice. But what is with the girl from the Princess Diaries being (mis)cast in this? She didn't age 20+ yrs over the movie timeline. She looked like an 18 yo in a bad wig. A really really bad wig.

Back to the story. Done so well, yet my pangs (other pangs) returned for unknown reasons. Believe it or not (and you wouldn't from this blog) but I have loved. To love that deeply and that long - and not for all the wrong reasons. Trapped in who you are, what you feel and what you feel you can't be. What fag hasn't felt that (yes, i'm excluding you straights from this conversation!)? Even the most out gay man takes steps back now and again when it comes to acceptance b/c of who and how they love. The scary thing is - we even do it w/in the gay community.

Reread my blog. All of this is not love. Much of it is not. Some of it is if you can really read between the lines. The truth is - I can't always be who I am or love whom I want due to my own speedbumps. I mean - do you think my relationship minded gay friends even know this blog exists?

There is a perverseness in this (and me) that isn't deemed socially acceptable - even in gay life standards. It is the same perverseness that Ennis felt about himself and his relationship w/Jack. Slightly different level - but you get the idea.

Buy a ticket. Go see it.