Friday, November 13, 2009

FuckBud FAIL

You all know I was hopeful. MORE than hopeful. Alas, it was not meant to be.

My would-be FuckBud is just that - would-be. We attempted. We got together, but it just didn't click. I should clarify - it did not click for me.

The guy called and I met him for "lunch". Or a matinee.....whatever you crazy kids are calling it these days. We went to his place during the noontime hour for a tryst. FAIL is kind of a strong word for it, but I can't imagine going back for seconds.

He wanted to kiss, which I can be ok with - but he was a bad kisser. I'm a good one, if I say so myself. It didn't help that I think I detected three-day old beef & broccoli on his breath. Left over Chinese food-breath is not a turn-on. No, it is not.

For his being 'selfish' (again, his word), it never, but should have, occurred to me that he might not be a top selfish, but a bottom selfish. But I was blinded by lust and hope and had these ideals of how I wanted to get laid. How I needed to get laid.

The guy, for being newly out, is all (or mostly) bottom. UGH. I mean, it's a great scenario, if I'm the bottom, but you know me and being the top. I can do it, but it's not me - nor will it ever be.

And for his cock that I thought would be huge since it was stiffening nicely, but not all the way up in the shower? Turns out that was it. No 8-9". A nice 7", but I can't say "STIFF". Apparently that is what a prostate biopsy gets you - a semi that can't really get off anymore.

Oh, it's also almost TMI. But I guess it's nice to know that it wasn't me. The perils of being attracted to a man in his mid-50s. But one day I'll be there, but not yet. Not yet.

Oh - and he isn't into reciprocation, so what little I sucked him, he couldn't even feign a moan.

His sucking was subpar too. I think I provided a mercy feeding. I like the guy, but now I don't LIKE him. He used more hand than mouth - and hell, I can wet jack myself off. I assumed he wouldn't take my load either and he did........kind of.

I shot a big load in his mouth and probably overdid it on the vocal theatrics. It probably sounded like I liked it too much. It probably gave him false hope. Oh - and he only held my load in his mouth and then and went and spit it out. He said there was too much to swallow all of it. So because of that he swallowed none of it? It makes no sense.

Then afterwards, he wanted to process the entire thing. Man, did I call this one wrong.

Do I have to go to the gym at different times now?


Mark (iBLASTinside) said...

Do you have to go to the gym at different times? No. You can be polite but firm. "Hey guy, we had a little fun, but that was it. I'm not interested in emotional stuff. Good luck to you."

Be mean. It works.

Anonymous said...

No, you don't have to go to the gym at different times. If he is new to being out, then he'll have to learn the hard, oops, I mean semi-hard, way that sex is sex. And for those of us who are sex addicts, and proud of it, the sex MUST be good because that is ALL that is interesting to us.

It's a bummer of a story, but there's always more cock. Always.

thomasgregg said...

I wouldn't change my regular time at the gym. If you run into him you can just be cordial and move on to the next machine, or set of free weights. Make some comment that with work and workouts you are pretty booked up for the next few weeks.


Anonymous said...

just with straight couples, there HAS to be chemistry!
good try, though

Sean said...

If gay men had to change gyms or gym times after bad hookups, there'd be 1000x more gyms and they'd have to be open 50 hrs a day.

This sounds pretty easy, "Sorry, it was fun, you're very sexy and nice but we're both btms and I need a top."

No blame, no insult and who can understand needing a top better than another bottom?

Brian (pianoman6398) said...

No, you can come to my gym...I would breed you as long and as hard as you wanted sexy!!!!

Anonymous said...

"Make some comment that with work and workouts you are pretty booked up for the next few weeks."

Don't. Be a man and tell him flat out it didn't work for you. This "maybe another day" bullshit is for girls. A fuckbuddy arrangement has to be fun for both, otherwise what's the point?

Borris said...

Sorry it didn't work out. He sounded hot but nobody should be spitting. Maybe he's trainable? Old dogs I know but...