Monday, May 11, 2015

Worst Blowjob I Ever Had

......that was the text message that came to me after he left my house.

I hesitate telling you how many blowjobs I'd given this year up to this point - but suffice to say, it has been a lot.

I've always borrowed a line from Elvira when someone asked her how her head was (meaning headache), she replied, "no complaints yet".

I guess I can't say that now.

I'll be nice and say, of the few dozen blowjobs (and I'm really low balling that figure) I've given in 2015 no one has complained......at least to my face. Most have repeated, so I must be doing something right. And for all the years I've given head, I've never heard an unpleasant word.

Mind you, he was 22. I rarely go that young and I should have trusted my instincts and not extended the invite. But I was horny.

I will give him this: I certainly did not give it my all. He wasn't my first that day.......nor my second. And he was by far the worst. I had another third, but turned him away at the door, as I sucked him weeks ago and it was horrid. Well, he was horrid. I'm guessing 4 packs a day smoker. One bottle per day of cologne. Faux Tommy Bahama shirts and lots of gold chains. Add to that 2" smaller than he claims - and he only claims 6.......and a belly that needs to be tapped to drain 2-3 liters of fluid off it.

But besides that guy, who I didn't let cross the threshold, the 22 yo was the worst.

Let's just say, his dick was nice. 8". Black. But he never fully got hard. I tried. Honest, I tried. But he wasn't into it - wasn't into me.

I won't lie. The text stung a little - and I'm not sure WHY I cared.

Then I'm thinking, he's 22 - how many blowjobs has he really had?  I was willing to let it go, until he sent two more texts:  'can't believe I wasted gas coming over to you'  and 'now I'm stuck in rush hour traffic because of you and your bad blowjob'.

I not proud of it, but I didn't really care - and I went to his level.....and opted to respond.

"Well, I can't say I was turned on by you, so that probably had something to do with it. I totally get why you wouldn't send a pic ahead of time, because who the fuck would ever invite you over?"  and then said....

"And 215lbs?  That passed you by 25-30 lbs ago."   And then I blocked the number.

The next day I had an opportunity to suck a 9" black dick (it was maybe 8).  On the way over, honest to god, I was questioning my skills. That stupid fat fuck shook my confidence.

No need to worry. The 8"er told me before: no hands (I try not to) and wanted me to take it all - every inch when he fucked my face. He didn't want another poser. He didn't want another liar.

He fucked my face hard. I took every inch of it. I let him do what he want and my hands remained at my side.

He said he was impressed that I could do what he wanted, as most cannot.

I felt vindicated.

4 comments:

cyberi4a said...

That first guy sounds like he was trying to blame you for his failure to 'rise' fully for the occassion.

Don't let one jerks comments ruin your day.

Anonymous said...

Have to say BikeGuy, you share everything. That's what makes your blog so much fun. Thanks for all the effort!

Bruce Chang said...

I'll echo both above. There's something else going on for him to be so bad about it. And your complete honesty in the blog is something... Even I struggle to be completely honest when writing up the bad.

And did you say 22? I'm actually just texting a kid that's complaining about me being a flake when he was over an hour late in meeting at the appointed place. He's also 22.

BlkJack said...

I am firm believer that some guys suck as a prelude to getting fucked. They do it but not their specialty. And then we have natural born cocksuckers. Even though I've never experienced 1st hand your handy work, I truly believe you could be the Headmaster of the great university of Cock. One doesn't get invited back for repeat performances with either bad or subpar work. Fuck him! You kicked his ass to the curb, now move on to the next hard cock. I would love to know the number you've serviced so far this year.
Your faithful follower,
BlkJack