The Return of M; the Departure of me

M has returned.

In reality, I have returned to M.

You might remember my two brief, but very memorable encounters here and here with him. The man hit a cord deep within me – and over time and distance, it was still there.

So upon my travels, I let him know I was coming to town. Life had changed for us both – though to a larger degree for him. He was not happy or unhappy to hear from me. His almost lack of emotion was one thing that had not changed. But he engaged with me, so it couldn’t be all bad, right?

Having dinner with him was my idea. That struck cord left me wanting to know the man – or thinking I wanted to know him at the very least. He did not resist this idea. We broke bread together.

People outside of a bedroom can be so very different. I include myself in this statement. Very few knows what lies underneath of me. The same could be said for M. …as I was to find out – to a degree. A degree he’d choose for me to see.

I'd say we talked, but it was mostly him. He provided information on his background and way more than I anticipated him sharing that night, if not ever. It was good. It was brutally honest. It was a little disconcerting. But I've said that about our interactions all along - so I suppose for much of the vibe, it was status quo. But in ways it was kicked up a few notches.

His apartment was near my hotel. I asked if he'd like to come back - he accepted.

To a degree with the other times, things got fuzzy, and it was not the tequila I had been drinking. I mentioned in earlier posts that he has me off guard a bit and while I have the feeling of all that is around me, the details get muddled. Or I think they do.

M flopped himself down on the bed, I sat next to him. The unexpected truly did happen - he kissed me. While our "relationship" had been very intimate in the past, it was about mental intimacy, not physical. I don't consider sucking dick "intimacy" - it's sex.

Eventually he laid back in the bed, hands behind his head. I took cues from Tantric man from the day before. I massaged M, on his legs, his feet, his toes, his back, neck and shoulders and even his head. He was very appreciative of it. I was into it as well.

With his eyes closed, M was relaxed and yet still somewhat in charge of the scene - no words said. He never asked for this, but was clearly in the moment. The massage - sans oil - went on for quite some time.

There was more kissing. Deep kissing. I can't say it was as emotional as you might think - or as I might think, or as I might have wanted. Barriers and some distance will always be there. It has to be there.

Physically, I lay on him, or then him on me. Sometimes parallel to each other - almost always his eyes closed, or seemingly so. I never got the sense M would not be aware of his surroundings and me, even when attempting not to.

Massage and kissing gave way to me blowing him. This is what we've done in the past. It's what I have done in the past to him. He's been the recipient of my mouth on his lovely 7" penis.

Here is where I get fuzzy. I'm sure I fellated him for a while and even licked his nuts, probably his ass too. I'm sure there was moaning and words of encouragement.

I do hate losing sight of the details with M, but it's such a haze of mental intensity, my memory starts to spot out here and there.

But this I do remember: laying next to him after any oral stimulation. It was back to kissing and me rubbing. Then three words from M: sit on me.

He didn't say his dick, but he didn't not say it.

I did just sit on him and continue with our kissing. But I positioned myself just so that peg A might go into Slot B. It did - without words, but not without notice.

Both of us were acutely aware of what was happening. Me moving up and down; M laying back, eyes still closed and then the occasional kiss either by me, or by his hand pulling my head down to him.

My ride went on for about 15 minutes. As always, little indication if I was doing something great or something wrong - but I'm pretty sure he would not tolerate something being done incorrectly or to his satisfaction.

I moved. He moved under me - working together, though not knowing each other well enough to be an extremely well oiled machine. Make no mistake, the job was getting done. He was hard. I was willing.

Out of nowhere there was some heavier movement and M opened his eyes to look directly into mine. No words. No need. We both knew what that signified and what was happening at that very minute.

M and I bonded in that way. Closer than before, but I'm not sure it would quantify as "close".

There is a distance and always will be, between us. That's how our chemistry is made up. I'm ok with that, not that I have a choice. Hell, we're not even in the same town or state. It's not like it matters.

We will continue our separate lives with moments of being together - but that's it.

No broken hearts or expectations. Two people connecting when it is timely and necessary.

....and there ain't nothing wrong with that.

I probably did blow it all though. Upon seeing each other, he did ask if I had hooked-up with anyone else in DC. I did say "no" - because....well, I don't know why. We owe each other nothing - so there was no reason to fib, but I felt that it should have been about him and not what I had done.

I also forgot he off and on reads this blog - so he did catch on to me on that falsehood. He wasn't happy - but it might have been a deal breaker. I can see his point. I don't have to be happy about it, but I can certainly understand it.